Happy Father's Day • Dad Jokes!
Posted on 06/14/2025
Father's Day is a day set aside for honoring one's father, as well as fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society.
Sylmar Neighborhood wishes you a Happy Father's Day!
Here are several Dad Jokes for your enjoyment!
- What kind of shoes to frogs wear? Open-toad sandals.
- I just built an ATM that only gives out coins. I don’t know why no one’s thought of it before: it just makes cents!
- Did I ever tell you about the time I went mushroom foraging? It’s a story with a morel at the end.
- What happened when two slices of bread went on a date? It was loaf at first sight.
- Why do crabs never volunteer? Because they're shell-fish.
- I had a quiet game of tennis today. There was no racket.
- What's a shark's favorite saying? "Man overboard!"
- What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race? You're toast!
- I poured some water over a duck's back yesterday. I don't think he cared.
- How did I know my girlfriend thought I was invading her privacy? She wrote about it in her diary.
- Why did the electric car feel discriminated against? Because the rules weren't current.
- I'm such a good navigator, a self-driving car once asked me for directions.
- Why do melons have weddings? They cantelope.
- What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son.
- Watch what you say around the egg whites. They can't take a yolk.
- I'm so good at fixing things, my motto is, "If it is broke, I'll still fix it."
- Where did the pumpkins have their meeting? In the gourdroom.
- What's the best way to save your dad jokes? In a dadda-base.
- I got a new pen that can write underwater. It can write other words too.
- My boss said, “Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
- I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
- What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance? Lady Ba Ba.
- What do you call a French man wearing sandals? Philipe Fallop.
- Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands? Because they're extinct.
- I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
- Why should you never take sides in an argument at the dinner table? Trick question. It's the perfect time to take sides because no one's paying attention. Bring Tupperware.
- Who won the neck decorating contest? It was a tie.
- Where do rainbows go when they've been bad? To prism, so they have time to reflect on what they've done.
- Dogs can't operate MRI machines. But catscan.
- I'm so upset—my barber said he can't cut my hair any longer. He can only cut it shorter.
- What do mermaids use to wash their fins? Tide.
- What did the skillet eat on its birthday? Pan-cakes.
- Why couldn't the produce manager make it to work? He could drive, but he didn't avocado.
- I went to a silent auction. I won a dog whistle and two mimes.
- How is my wallet like an onion? Every time I open it, I cry.
- What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.
- What kind of fish do penguins catch at night? Starfish.
- Which vegetable has the best kung fu? Broc-lee.
- Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can't jump.
- I was going to try an all-almond diet, but that's just nuts.
Dark Dad Jokes
- I was going to tell a joke about the layoffs, but sadly, none of them work.
- What's the hardest tea to swallow? Reality.
- Why did the employee at the calendar company get fired? He took a day off.
- I was raised as an only child. It drove my sister nuts.
- Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
- You don't need a parachute to go sky-diving. You need one to go sky-diving twice.
- It's not easy being a mom. Otherwise, dads would do it.
- My dog just ate a $100 bill. I guess he has expensive taste.
- The guy who stole my diary went missing. My thoughts are with his family.
- What did the cow say to the leather chair? "Hi, Mom!"
- I'd love to have kids one day. But that's as long as I can handle them.
- Hard work pays off later. Laziness pays off now.
- My resume is a list of things I hope I never have to do again.
- Why did the social media manager break up with her boyfriend? Lack of engagement.
- My wife always complains that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
- I threw a boomerang months ago. Now I live in constant fear.
- "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" usually mean the same thing...but not at a funeral.
- I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her.
- A woman passed out on the merry-go-round. She's coming around.
- There was a break-in at the wig factory. Police are combing the area.
- I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
- Why did the old man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well.
- I tried to make up a joke about ghost,s but I couldn't. It had plenty of spirit but no body.
